The Manners Of Companionship

Filed under: Islam — m00nshadow at 12:10 am on Saturday, June 21, 2008




By Imaam Badrud-Deen al-Ghazzee (d.984H)
Learn twelve qualities of good companionship in order to further your knowledge and practice of the Religion of Allaah.

Your life at the present moment is in between the past and the future. So what has preceded can be rectified by tawbah (repentance), nadam (regret) and istighfaar (seeking Allaah’s forgiveness). This is something that will neither tire you, nor cause you to toil as you would with strenuous labour. Rather it is an action of the heart.

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The Shaykh – rahimahullaah – said, [2]
Know O pious brother – may Allaah make our affairs good – that the manners of companionship and good relationships are of various types, of which I will explain, such as will show the person of intellect the manners of the Believers and the Pious; and come to know that Allaah the Most Perfect, the Most High has made them a mercy and helpers towards each other, which is why the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, ‘‘The example of the Believers, in their mutual love and mercy is like the example of a body, if one part feels pain, then all of the body suffers in sleeplessness and fever.’’ [3] And he (’alayhis-salaam) said, ‘‘The Believer to the Believer is like a solid building, one part supporting the other.’’ [4] The Prophet (’alayhis-salaam) also said, ‘‘The souls are arrayed armies, so those who knew each one another before, will be friendly…’’ [5] So if Allaah intends good for His servants, He grants them companionship of the people of the Sunnah, righteousness and adherence to the Religion.; and keeps him free from the companionship of the people of innovations. The Prophet (’alayhis-salaam) said, ‘‘A person is upon the religion of his friend, so let every one of you look to whom he keeps as a friend.’’ [6]
‘About a person, do not ask, but ask about his companion; Since every companion follows his friends.’
From the manners of companionship:
GOOD MANNERS:
Good manners with the brothers, peers and companions, following the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) as he said, when it was said to him, ‘What is the best of what a person is given?’ So he replied, ‘‘Good manners.’’ [7]
MAKING ONE’S OPINION GOOD:
From the manners of companionship is behaving well regarding the faults that he sees of his companions, since Ibn Maazin said, ‘The Believer seeks excuses for his brothers, whilst the hypocrite seeks out their faults.’ And Hamdoon al-Qassaar said, ‘If one of your brothers commits an error, then seek ninety excuses for him, and if not, then you are the blameworthy one.’
COMPANIONSHIP WITH THE BELIEVERS:
To keep companionship with one whose Religion you trust and who is trustworthy, both inwardly and outwardly. Allaah the – Most High – says,
‘‘You will not find anyone who believes in Allaah and the Last Day, making friendship with those who oppose Allaah and His Messenger, even though they were their fathers, sons, brothers or their relatives. For such He has written eemaan (faith) in their hearts, and strengthened them with a spirit (proofs, light and guidance) from Himself. And We will admit them into gardens underneath which rivers flow, to dwell therein forever. Allaah is pleased with them, and they are pleased with Him. They are the Party of Allaah, indeed it is the Party of Allaah that will be successful.’’ [Sooratul-Mujaadilah 58:22]
FORMS OF COMPANIONSHIP:
For the Shaykhs and elders: with respect to service and to carry out their needs. For those of the same peer group and those of the ‘middle rank’: with sincere advice, giving what you have and being prepared to carry out their wishes. For the students and younger ones: by guidance, teaching of manners, carrying out what knowledge demands, guidance to the manners of the Sunnah, rulings concerning the matters of the heart, and to guide them to develop good manners.
OVERLOOKING MISTAKES:
From the manners of companionship is overlooking mistakes of the brothers and not reprimanding them. So al-Fudayl Ibn ’Iyaad (d.187H) said, ‘Chivalry is to overlook the mistakes of the brothers.’ Ibnul-A’raabee (d.231H) said, ‘Forgetting the harms caused by the brothers, causes you love of them to persist.’ So it is binding upon the Believer, that he avoids seekers of this world, since they will bring him down to the level of seeking it, and this will distance him from his salvation and it will distance him from remaining alert and being aware of it. Rather, he must strive hard in attaining the companionship of the good and the seekers of the Hereafter. Therefore, Dhun-Noon (d.245H) said to the one whom he advised, ‘Accompany the one whom you will be safe from outwardly, and whom – when you see him – it helps you in doing good and reminds you of your Lord.’
AGREEMENT WITH THE BROTHERS:
And from them is: not to differ much with the brothers, but continue agreeing with the brothers in those things allowed by knowledge and the Sharee’ah. Aboo ’Uthmaan said, ‘Agreeing with the brothers is better than showing compassion for them.’
LEAVING OF ENVY:
That he does not envy the signs of Allaah’s bounty upon them. Rather, he should be happy for that and praise Allaah for it, just as he would praise Allaah if it were seen upon him. Allaah – the Most High – censures the envious one,
‘‘Or do they envy men for what Allaah has given them from His bounty.’’ [Sooratun-Nisaa‘ 4:94]
The Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, ‘‘Do not envy one another.’’ [8]
TO KEEP A FEELING OF MODESTY:
That he has hayaa‘ (modesty and shame) at all times, as he – ’alayhis-salaam – said, ‘‘Faith (eemaan) has sixty or seventy odd branches, the most excellent of them is witnessing that none has the right to be worshipped besides Allaah, and the lowest branch is removing something harmful from the road, and hayaa‘ is from eemaan.’’ [9] He – ’alayhis-salaam – also said, ‘‘Hayaa‘ is from eemaan, and eemaan is from Paradise. Speaking obscenely is from coarseness and coarseness is from the Fire.’’ [10]
COMPANIONSHIP OF THE DIGNIFIED:

 

To accompany the one who he has a feeling of respect for, so that this prevents from acting contrary to the Sharee’ah. ’Alee (radiyallaahu ’anhu) said, ‘‘Enliven your feeling of hayaa‘ (shame), by sitting before those whom you feel shame. Ahmad Ibn Hanbal (d.241H) – rahimahullaah – said, ‘‘I have not been led into calamity except by accompanying those before whom I do not feel shame.’’
SHOWING HAPPINESS:
To have cheerfulness of the face, kindness of the tongue, largeness of the heart, outspreading the hands, withholding anger, leaving off pride, keeping people’s honour in mind and showing happiness at their companionship and brotherhood.
COMPANIONSHIP OF THE WISE SCHOLAR:
From good companionship is that he does not accompany except a Scholar, of a person who is mild, intelligent and has knowledge. Dhun-Noon – rahimahullaah – said, ‘Allaah has not disrobed any one of His servants or a robe better than intellect, and has not adorned him with a necklace better than knowledge, nor adorned him with anything better than mildness. And the completeness of that is taqwaa (fear of Allaah).’
GIVING SINCERE ADVICE:
Having a clean heart with regards to the brothers and advising them, as Allaah – the Most High – said,
‘‘Except he who comes to Allaah with a clean heart.’’ [Sooratush-Shu’araa 26:89]
Saree as-Saqatee (d.257H) – rahimahullaah – said, ‘One of the best manners of righteousness is having a good heart as regards the brothers and to give them sincere advice.’
NOT BREAKING PROMISES:
Since this is from hypocrisy, and he – ’alayhis-salaatu was-salaam – said, ‘‘The signs of the hypocrite are three: When he speaks he lies, when he makes a promise he breaks it and when he is entrusted he acts deceptively.’’ [11] Sufyaan ath-Thawree (d.164H) – rahimahullaah – said, ‘‘Do not make a promise to your brother and then break it, so that love turns to hate.’
Footnotes:
[1] He is the muftee and faqeeh, Abul-Barakaat Badrud-Deen al-Ghazzee. For his biography, refer to Shadharaatudh-Dhahab (8/403-406) of Ibnul-’Imaad and al-A’laam (7/59) of az-Ziriklee. [2] From Aadaabul-’Ishrah wa Dhikrus-Suhbah wal-Ukhuwwah (p. 9-20) with the checking and authentication of hadeeth based upon that of Shaykh ’Alee Hasan al-Halabee and also Shaykh Mashhoor Hasan Salmaan. [3] Related by al-Bukhaaree (no. 6011) and Muslim (no. 2586), from an-Nu’maan Ibn Basheer (radiyallaahu ’anhu). [4] Related by al-Bukhaaree (no. 481) and Muslim (no. 2585), from Aboo Moosaa al-Ash’aree (radiyallaahu ’anhu). [5] Saheeh: Related by al-Bukhaaree (6/369) with ta’leeq (suspension), from ’Aa‘ishah (radiyallaahu ’anhaa). It was connected by Aboo Ya’laa in al-Musnad (no. 4381) with an isnaad whose narrators are from as-Saheeh – as occurs in al-Majma’ (8/88) of al-Haythamee. [6] Hasan: Related by Ahmad (2/303), Aboo Daawood (no. 4812) and at-Tirmidhee (no. 2484), from Aboo Hurayrah (radiyallaahu ’anhu). It was authenticated by Imaam an-Nawawee in Riyaadus-Saaliheen (no. 174). [7] Saheeh: Related by Wakee’ in az-Zuhd (no. 423), Ibn Hibbaan (1/427) and at-Tabaraanee in al-Kabeer (1/147), from Usaamah Ibn Shareek (radiyallaahu ’anhu). It was authenticated by al-Haafidh al-’Iraaqee in Takhreejul-Ihyaa‘ (2/157). [8] Related by al-Bukhaaree (10/484) and Muslim (no. 2564), from Aboo Hurayrah (radiyallaahu ’anhu). [9] Related by al-Bukhaaree (1/44) and Muslim (1/46) [10] Saheeh: Related by Ahmad (2/501) and at-Tirmidhee (no. 2077) with a saheeh isnaad, from Aboo Hurayrah (radiyallaahu ’anhu). [11] Related by al-Bukhaaree (5/289) and Muslim (1/76)






The Backbiting of the Heart

Filed under: Islam — m00nshadow at 11:43 pm on Friday, June 20, 2008

Know that having evil thoughts about someone is forbidden just as evil speech [is]. So just as it is forbidden for you to speak to others about the faults of someone, it is also forbidden for you to speak to yourself about that and to hold negative thoughts of him. Allah says:

“O you who believe, avoid much (types) of suspicion. Verily some (forms) of suspicion is a sin.” [al-Hujuraat : 12]

And Abu Hurairah, radi Allahu ‘anhu, reported that Allah’s Messenger, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, said: “Beware of suspicion, for indeed suspicion is the most untruthful form of speech.”

And the ahadeeth with the meaning of what I have mentioned are many. And the meaning of this [the backbiting of the heart] is the heart concluding and judging someone with negative thoughts. But as for passing thoughts and one’s talking to himself, if these thoughts do not remain established and continuous, then he is excused, according to the consensus of the scholars, because he has no choice in this happening, and he has no means of disassociation from them. This is the understanding of what has been estabilished in the authentic texts, as the Prophet said, “Indeed, Allaah has permitted for my Ummah that which their souls whisper to them, so long as they do not speak it out (audibly) or act upon it.”

The scholars said, “This refers to the thoughts that do not establish themselves.” And they said, “This is regardless of whether this thought consists of backbiting or kufr or otherwise. So if kufr crosses someone’s mind, but it is only a thought, without the intent of acting upon it, and he then dismisses this thought immediately, he is not a kaafir, and there is no sin on him.”

We have stated in the chapter on Waswasa the authentic hadeeth in which the Companions said: “‘O Messenger of Allaah! Some of us find things in our thoughts that are too tremendous to speak of .’ So he, salallahu alayhi wa sallam, said, ‘That is the confirmation of Faith.’”, and others besides that we mentioned there that have the same meaning.

And the reason what we previously mentioned is excused is the impossibility of averting [these kinds of thoughts]. Rather, it is possible to avoid having these thoughts continuously, and this is why the heart’s persistence and fastening itself to these thoughts is forbidden [and not the thoughts themselves].

And whenever these thoughts of backbiting or other sins present themselves to you, it is obligatory on you to repel them by turning away from them and mentioning explanations that will distract from what seems apparent.

Abu Haamid al-Ghazaalee said in al-Ihyaa’, “Should evil thoughts affect your heart, then these are from the whisperings of Shaytaan, which he casts within you. So you must disavow them because Shaytaan is indeed the most evil of evildoers. And Allah has stated:

‘If a wicked person (i.e. faasiq) comes to you with news, then verify it, lest you harm people without realizing it (i.e. out of ignorance) and afterwards you become regretful for what you’ve done .’ [al-Hujuraat : 6].

Thus, it is not permissible for you to believe Iblees. And if there were an presumption that points to evil, and the opposite is possible, then holding negative thoughts is not permissable.

And among the signs of evil thoughts about someone is that your heart changes towards him from the way it used to be, and that you flee from him and find him burdensome. And that you slacken in your consideration towards him, in your hospitality to him, and in your worry when he commits bad deeds. And indeed Shaytaan comes close the heart with the smallest trace of the faults of the people, and he makes you think that [these thoughts] occur due to your sharpness, intelligence and quick alertness, and that the believer sees with the light of Allah [i.e. Allah has led him to this and not Iblees]. But this person is, in actuality, speaking with the deceptions of Shaytaan and his injustice.

And if a just person informs you of [negative things about another Muslim], then neither believe him nor disclaim him, in order that you will not have negative thoughts about either of them.

Whenever some evil thoughts about another Muslim cross your mind, then increase in your consideration towards him and kindness to him, as this will enrage Shatytaan and repel him from you so that he will not cast within you such thoughts out of his fear that you will instead preoccupy yourself with supplication for that person.

And whenever you come to know of a fault in a Muslim based on undoubtable proof, then advise him in secret and do not let Shaytaan deceive you and invite you to backbite about him. And if you admonish him, then do not admonish him while you are happy with your knowledge of his deficiency, so he looks at you with the eyes of esteem and you look at him with belittlement. Rather, intend to free him from sin while you are saddened, just as you are saddened over yourself if a deficiency enters into you. And it is necessary that his abandonment of that deficiency without your admonishment be more beloved to you than his abandoning it after your admonishment.”

These are the words of al-Ghazaali.

I say: We have mentioned that it is obligatory that if notions of negative thoughts occur to someone, that he cut them off, and this is if there is no legislated [religious] benefit that prompts him to think [about that person] in this manner. So if he is prompted, then it is permissible to think about his deficiencies as well as to investigate them, such as in calling to question certain witnesses and narrators and others we have mentioned in the chapter on Permissible Backbiting.

From Imam an-Nawawi’s al Adhkar